Final Thoughts for 2011

God made me some promises in 2011 and true to his word, he has kept them all!

This has been a splendid year.  Relationships have grown and rekindled.  New friendships have been established.  When I reflect on my every decision, I have no regrets.  I was blessed to visit my family in New York, Ohio, Indiana, Maryland and North Carolina.  I wanted to be sure to do so before I reached Japan.  I knew I would love Japan and never want to leave.  Now they can all come visit me...hint, hint!

Franklin and I grew stronger in this move.  Though we had a few "animated" discussions, our resolve that in the end "it is you and me baby" stayed strong.  This will be our 13th year of marriage and I love this man more with each passing day.  By New Year's Eve, each family member is required to write their goals for the coming year.  I am looking forward to working hard in 2012 to make ours come to fruition.  I know 2012 will be better than 2011.

My girls have seen tremendous success as well.  They are conquering their educations, setting aside their fears about becoming adults, removing associations that mean them no good, working paying jobs (I am doing my church shouting dance...LOL!) and pressing to become productive, contributing, communicative forces in our family and society as a whole.  It takes a village to raise children and I am forever thankful for my village.  It might not be large, but it is just enough to get the job done.

I spent the last day of 2011 with my oldest.  We visited a couple of temples in Kamakura.  We talked about life and what success looks like.  We made a plan for pushing one another to be the best we can be.  We ate some interesting foods, tasty foods, and very tasty foods.  We felt the energy of living, loving, and laughing as mother and daughter.  Though we got lost along the way to Kamakura (we drove) we did find our path and stuck to it together.  It resulted in success.  The way back was smooth and peaceful...  Sounds like life when you do it right... hhhmmmm.

Quortney and Me in Kamakura

Interesting Names for Japanese Products

I have seen some of the most interesting things here in Japan.  Over the last couple months I just took pictures.  When I could not take a picture, I found a picture online so I could show you guys what we have at the grocery stores out in the economy.  I shop out in the economy weekly.  I love the freshness of the fruits and veggies and can not wait to try the fish at our local market.  Sometimes, I have to ask the clerk... nani deska.  What is this?

I believe this is used to make things like ice cream.  It is found in ocha (green tea).  

These are cookies.  At least they are found in the cookie aisle.  I have not had any yet.

This is the lap of your girlfriend, "Girlfriends Lap".  It is used to take a nap.
Notice that it is wearing a skirt. 

Yeap... that is a baby breast feeding.  This is called mother's milk.
I have yet to ask if it is real breast milk from a lactating woman.
If so, who and how and why?

Water!  Yummmm.

I am told this is like a spicy chilli sauce.
But is it called Shitto because it is hot coming and going...LOL!

Enough said!

"Disease to Please"

The other day I was listening to Oprah who was being interviewed by Dr. Oz.  He asked her about the things that cause her to be at peace during this time in her life.  She said she got over a horrible disease a number of years ago…this disease was, “The Disease to Please”.  She talked about her want and desire to please other people in a way that sometimes placed her own needs on the back burner or are even tossed to the side.  I was so moved that I could completely relate to this woman who is exceedingly wealthy, loved by America, and we all know she got our first Black President elected. 

How could I relate?  It makes sense that as children we desire to please our parents and friends.  But after that, I spent even more years trying to get straight “A’s” in college.  Could a “B” have been good enough?  Ensure that my child had everything including a mother and father at home when I might have done better just being a single mom (talking about first marriage- just want to be clear).  Taking jobs with long, arduous hours because the eyes bulged at the dollar signs when more family time was what was needed.  Hiring friends to work in my company when someone from the outside was more qualified.  Going to a particular church because that is where the family went when I knew it was time to go.  Attending family functions out of obligation when I was uncomfortable or needed to take care of my own family.  Did I have to have a bigger, single-family house, or was not the townhouse large enough?  I am not throwing the Beemer in there because that was all about my pleasure J !

Yes, though I did not understand what my ailment was, I realize now that I suffered from that “Disease to Please.”  But like Oprah, about 5 years ago I began a self-cure.  I began to ask myself, “Who am I doing this for”.  If my answer was not Franklin, Nyjai, Quortney and Jeannelle, I adjusted what I was doing.  I began to focus on true relationship building inside and outside my family.  I sought out those individuals who wanted my friendship, love and where committed to the process of being true to themselves and me.  I stopped chasing those who were not chasing me.  We have to have a mutual desire to be involved in each other’s lives.  I gained a group of friends and family members who allowed each other to live without judgment and scrutiny of every level of life. 

It is refreshing to be with women and men who desired to uplift one another, cheer each other on, cry with one another, encourage one another, provide true and honest feedback and advice.  They are the people who contact me in some way every week.  They are the ones who allow me to cry when I miss silly things like Chipotle.  They cry with me when I am not sure I am a great mom or a family member passes.  They tell me to stop being used when others try to deplete my recourses.  When I almost fall back into my old ways and habits, they reel me in like a big mouth bass…LOL!

It is not horrible to want to and attempt to please others.  But when doing so causes you to lose the essence of who you are or causes you stress and unhappiness, it is time to look for a cure.  Sometimes, people make it easy for us to cure the disease, but because we are so wrapped up in them, we do not see that they are toxic or giving us a way out.  It is impossible to please toxic people with issues they won’t even admit they have. 

I do not regret that I got the “Disease to Please”.  I actually learned a great deal from it.  Not to mention, I realize I helped a number of people become successful as I suffered from the “Disease to Please”.  I am glad however that I am cured. 

For me, I changed my circle of influence and cured my “Disease to Please.”

Kencho-ji Temple in Kita-Kamakura, Japan

According to the documentation distributed, “Kencho-ji is the first-ranked of the five great Zen temples of Kamakura, and is the oldest Zen training monastery in Japan.”  This particular temple use to be located in Kyoto, which is south of Kita-Kamakura.  It was moved to Kita-Kamakura hundreds of years ago.

Entrance to the temple.
You get purified each pass through the center.
I went through a couple times... because well you know!

I did not drink from this fountain at all!

Monastery grounds are beautiful...

Inside the Shrine

What an incredible day.  I had the opportunity with a few friends to practice ZaZen in a Monk monastery. They performed the entire service in English just for us.  Along the way, I observed the great little pond with a bridge surrounded by the modern technology of subway trains, little shops that served Japanese cuisine, sold small Japanese made trinkets, and even stood before a 1,000 year old shrine that is no longer in use.

Kellie, Jeannelle, Hannah, Katie

Pond on the way

1,000 year old Shrine 

The idea of ZaZen is to be present.  That seems simple, but we spent 2-hours trying to completely clear our minds and “think of nothing”.  Just be present and in the moment was the mantra of the day.   That means that for 15-20 minutes we sat lotus style (or with just crossed legs for those of us whose feet don’t do that anymore…LOL!) with perfect posture, in complete silence and relaxed as we tried to clear our minds.  I “think” I got it during the last 20 minutes of our 2-hour session.  It is so challenging to not consider all the things you have to do when you leave this place, tomorrow, next week and ooo yeah and the holidays are upon us.  But I am glad I took the time to go, relax, and attempt to focus and harness my energy on the present.

Only Katie can do the Lotus Position

After Zen...why do my eyes look so weird-LOL!

I like the idea of being in the moment.  I am truly trying to do that while I am here in Japan.  I feel like when I was in the states, I did not enjoy the here and now because I was constantly thinking about what was next.  I especially want to be present when I am with my family and friends.  Moments can be so fleeting, children grow so quickly, family members pass on and the people we meet and call friends will soon move on to other opportunities in life.  So I am purposing to listen more closely, celebrate with more vigor and love with fervor. 

Not only did they allow us to participate in the ceremony, but we also had tea with the Monks who performed the services.  This is highly unusual and rare.  Most people never get to practice ZaZen with the Monks and certainly not have tea and chat with the Monks.  We were able to ask questions of any nature and they answered them all without reservation. 

Monk and Me

Turn the bowl three times in your hand and then drink the tea with both hands.
Allow the bowl to cover the face as you drink.

Question and Answer with the Monks...
Hannah is recording everything on her  IPhone...LOL!
We might need to refer back to this one day.

Rested after a focused Zen session.

Ocha and a tea cake.

Jeannelle at the Emperors Entrance.
You know this is where I think I should enter too- LOL!

I truly think we looked rested when we finished the ZaZen session.  Good stuff for sure.

I'm Thankful for....

For my mom who gave me life and calls me every week.

For my dad who drops everything to call me when he finds I might be down.

For my children who help me to remember that they really enjoy the traditions I created and remind me that I am a good mom; especially when they call me for the holidays.

For my friends who hold me together when I look like I just might loose it.

For my husband who does everything in his power to ensure my happiness and desires to be an incredible lover and my best friend.

For the opportunity to live in Japan and experience all the culture has to offer.

For my new home in Japan, my new American friends in Japan and my new Japanese friends.

For my sisters who are just the best sisters a gal could have. 

For the prosperity I’ve enjoyed, not just financially (thought that is nice), but more importantly in love, peace, and true joy.

For my health and strength.

For forgiveness and deliverance and restoration.

For my salvation.

For being God's favorite...

I am just so incredibly thankful for all God's gifts to me.

From a Mother's Heart

Today has been very emotional.  While I have accomplished a lot, my mind has been on my oldest daughter.  I often think of her when I see fashion forward young ladies walking down the street.  I say to myself “Quortney would love that…” I think of her when I see a mother and daughter hand-in-hand shopping or when I’m in the kitchen trying to figure out what concoction I can throw together to avoid going to the grocery store.  I really think of her when I hear a small child holding a conversation that is beyond their years. 

I have cried a couple time today alone wondering if she truly knows the hopes and dreams I have for her.  Today, at least 10 times I have thought about how precious and valuable she is.  I wonder if she understands her worth as I do.  We often desire to see our daughters become Presidents wives or CEO’s in their own right.  We want them to discover the cure for cancer or invent a newfangled contraption that will change the World, as we know it.  Though those things would be nice, when I dig deep, all I want is for her to be truly happy in whatever path she chooses in life. 

You Got into Disney College

I realize that in 20 years, I have re-invented myself at least 6 times.  Whether it was a career change, husband change, cross-country or new country move, opening a business or going back to school, I found inner peace and pure joy.  I might not have always been happy in the moment, as they were tests I did not want to take.  In the end, I was satisfied with each choice I MADE.  I want her to know that I was satisfied because I was being true to myself.  “I am who I am” (We are who we are) is deeper than just a tattoo on the hip or Popeye’s cartoon…LOL!  It is a truth that we must live by. 

Being so far away from her is difficult because right now I just want to hug her and let her know that…

The World's Greatest Actress!

“No one can live your life for you.  You have to do it yourself.  With each decision you make, ensure you can live with the consequences be they good or bad.  Happiness is different from joy.  Happiness fluctuates with circumstance but joy is a constant based on your knowledge. 

You should know you are a beautiful, intelligent, talented (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-xkF0KiA3I) young woman who can accomplish anything you set your mind to.  You should know that you are strong, spirited and courageous.  You should know the world is yours for the conquering- go for it. 

You should know that no matter what anyone tells you we are your family and you will always have help.  

You should know that you do not have to have it all figured out right now, just keep moving….  Most importantly, you should know I Love you with everything I am and all I desire for you to be.

Take your time, think it through, things will fall into place and you will be at peace, find pure joy, and live life satisfied.”

Love always

Mom